Surrogate Dieter

by

Jane D. O'Donoghue

 

 

I’m looking for someone to diet for me,

A surrogate diet, I’ll pay any fee.

If we can arrange it, here’s what we’ll do,

You diet, I’ll eat: sounds like heaven for two.

 

When I down sundaes of yummy ice cream,

You’ll run five miles, ‘til your arches scream.

When I order a Danish with warm melted butter,

You’ll work up a sweat, and nasty words mutter.

 

As you starve and work out all over the place,

I'll guzzle, munch, cram and fill up my face.

A new day has dawned for the overweight bunch,

A surrogate dieter now eats the light lunch.

 

This concept will be the greatest of capers,

I’m getting a lawyer, and we’ll sign all the papers.

We’ll take out some patents on this new invention,

This fresh way of weight loss without abstention.

 

The contract will state all the rules to abide,

’There’ll be no phrases where loopholes can hide.

The terms must be drawn in a contract so tight,

The Supreme Court itself couldn’t win in this fight.

 

So on to new slimness and a new agile me,

Great hips, narrow waistline, a slightly trim knee.

What a deal we will make as you take on the task,

Trading fat for cold cash: that’s all I will ask.

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